eing a big brother, the oldest of three, has mixed blessings. As the oldest, you're the trailblazer for the rest, setting the standards of what's acceptable and initiating Mom and Dad. Jeff was good at this!

haring a small bedroom with two younger brothers tested the patience of all of them. Close quarters and a lack of "personal space" created a few problems between Jeff, Justin and Josh. But the flip side of that is that it also bonded them in many ways.

ne of these bonds became clear to me after Jeff died. I was going through his music to find tracks to make a CD to be played at his viewing. I turned on "Solas" by Ronan Hardiman, a CD that I had purchased for Jeff for Christmas in 1998. I knew that Jeff liked to listen to this while falling asleep, but didn't know how much it had made an impression on his brothers. Justin and Josh were playing on the floor and I heard them humming and singing along to the music on the CD. It was something so natural for them. I was also something special to them. A way to remember their brother. I realized that this was yet another way in which Jeff still lives in them.